I was going through some of my notes this morning and ran across something I had written down ages ago, and I tweeted it, then decided it needed more than a tweet; it needed to be "blogged". It is something my Mom modeled for us kids when we were young, and something I tried to do with our kids, although I know I failed many times. And it is this;
"Moms are responsible for how their kids view their Dad."
The way you speak to and about your husband in front of your kids will be the influencing factor for how your children will speak to their Dad, and one day speak about him to their friends. Mom, you do your children a great injustice each time you belittle, criticize or manipulate your husband. Little ears hear a lot, and each time you show dis-respect for your children's Dad, you are teaching them, by example, that it is acceptable for a wife to verbally tear down her husband. And each time your daughter hears you disrespect her Dad, you are setting her up for trouble in her own marriage some day. And each time your son hears you disrespect his Dad, you are tearing down his hero and role model, and making it more difficult for him to be the spiritual leader in his own family.
No man, no Dad is perfect. David and I have been married 44 years and raised 3 sons; need I say more? I know men are imperfect, and we are, too. Ladies, some things just need to be overlooked. Sometimes we need to just walk out of the room, (even the house) take a deep breath and ask ourselves, "Is the aftershock really worth the blow-up?" It's easy to tear down what we've worked so hard to build up, and we can do it with only a few words.
Begin today looking (intentionally) for the good qualities in your husband and point those out to your kids. Don't you enjoy being appreciated for what you do for your family? Don't you feel good when your husband or kids compliment you on how you look, the meal you cooked, how clean the house is, etc? When a man feels respected and appreciated it changes the whole dynamics of the family relationships. It strengthens your marriage and bonds a Dad to his kids like nothing else will. Teaching your children to look at your husband's strengths rather than his weaknesses will build security into their lives. Girls who see their Dads as a strong father, (spiritually, physically, and emotionally) will look for those qualities in a husband. And boys who see their Dad's strengths will be strong leaders in their family, their church, and yes, even in our nation.
So Mom, it's up to you. The most important thing you can give your kids is to love their Dad and accept him just as he is. Our job is to love him and be submissive to his leadership in our home. It's God's job, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to do any changing that needs to be done. I learned a long time ago that the only person I can change is me. I can pray for change in those I love, but ultimately, the only person I can do anything about is me.
If Moms and Dads want their kids to be spiritually and emotionally strong, they have to stay on the same page. There is power in a united front, and ladies, building that united front with your husband begins with how your kids view their Dad. When they hear you praise his good qualities and point out the many ways he sacrifices for your family, you are well on your way to laying a foundation of respect for their Dad that you will be so thankful for in years to come. Oh what Mom and Dad can accomplish when they work together and not against each other!
Sunday is Father's Day. Make it a special day for your kid's Dad. It is tough being a woman, but God has created you and placed you in this man's life for a reason. Respect is one of those things that the more you give the more you receive.
I was blessed to have a wonderful father and my Mom made sure we knew his good qualities and I never heard her belittle or criticize him in our presence. Thank you Mama for your example.
Happy Father's Day to my wonderful husband. He is the best husband in the world and my boys could not have a better Dad or role model. And I think our sons are great Dads too!!
l-r; Bryan, David, me, Jeff, and Kyle.