I've just discovered a new way to describe myself; I am a fixator. As I am typing this, I can tell that my computer isn't all that happy with this new word because it really isn't a word at all. It is trying to tell me that I can't possibly think I can use a word that cannot be found in "The Complete Christian Dictionary for Home and School." It may not be in my dictionary, but it definitely is a word that describes me to a "T".
Do you ever get something on your mind and no matter how hard you try to think about something else, you just can't get passed that one single thought that transcends all thoughts? Well guess what....you are a fixator too!
Since I haven't found this word in a dictionary, I'm going to go ahead and give it a definition; my definition.
A fixator is someone whose mind latches onto 1 negative thought, 1 past experience, 1 fear, 1 past embarrassment, or even 1 person, and cannot get that 1 thing out of her mind. Satan loves me best when I am a fixator. If he can tempt me with focusing on myself, then I'm not in the position for God to use me, because I am not focused on Him with my whole mind and soul.
For the last 3 weeks or so I've had a nagging little worry that shows up at all the wrong times. You know the times I'm talking about; times when you are with your family, everyone is laughing and having a good time, and you are too, until, your fixator kicks in and spoils your fun. Fixator can also show up at places like a church service where the Word is being preached and you feel the Spirit moving in your heart, but then, there's that ole fixator again, doing what he does best; distracting you from the truth and replacing it with a lie. He shows up when you are having lunch with your friends, at a ball game, and he even shows up when you're right in the middle of teaching a Sunday School lesson in your class. I know because I have experienced his presence just this past week.
A few days ago I received the April issue of the "Journey: Devotional for Women". I don't use it for my daily devotional time, but usually read the whole thing in one sitting. As I scanned the pages I read this one little quote and for the first time in a long time this fixator fixated on a new revelation. Are you ready?? Get a pen and index card and write this one down: Whatever you focus on grows. Now let that sink in all the way down to your toes. Isn't that just the most amazing truth you've heard in a long time?
What happens when you loose your patience with your 3 year old? You probably "stew" about it, then focus on that one minor incident, it grows in your mind into something much bigger, and before you know it, you've convinced yourself that you are a "terrible Mom." Whatever you focus on grows; ("bigger.")
Your husband comes home and gives you the news that the company he is working for is closing down and he will soon be without a job. Suddenly all you can think about is the bills that need to be paid, the kids that need food and shoes and a zillion other things. What will your friends think, how do we tell the kids, what do we do? Whatever we focus on grows; ("bigger.")
You don't feel well. You go to the dr., a few days later his office calls and says, "We need to do more tests."
Immediately your mind fixates on the "what ifs" and that becomes all you can think about.
Whatever we focus on grows; ("bigger.")
I've experienced each of these scenarios and I know how scary life can be. I also know our enemy is always seeking ways to distract us from trusting God and to make sure we have plenty of fears to focus on and ensure that they grow bigger and bigger in our minds. But Jesus knows how scary life can be for us, and because He knows how we feel He gave us this promise in Luke 4:18; He sets captives free, gives sight to the blind, and gives liberty to those of us who are bruised by the enemy.
Will this fixator ever be completely fixed?? Not as long as she is in this flesh and bone, but I'm sure going to work on it. As I steer my focus away from the situation and onto what God tells me to focus on in
Philippians 4:8, my mind will be renewed, ( Ephesians 4:23) and I will know perfect peace. (Isaiah 26:3)
Have a great "no fixator" day!