If you could use only one word to describe your marriage, what would it be? Depending on your last conversation with your husband, right?
After 43 years of marriage, I can honestly describe our marriage as.... calm. (most of the time.)
But oh those early years! Not always so calm. You take two "kids" from very different backgrounds and family structure, add some immaturity and selfishness, throw in a war, (not ours) add a stressful job, fast forward a couple of years and add a baby, house payments, 3rd shift, and the general, everyday stresses of life and the word to describe our marriage could change daily, almost hourly.
Ladies, marriage is tough!! And it's tough because from the moment you look into the eyes of your husband and promise your life away, our enemy, Satan, is on a lifelong mission to destroy what you and your husband so lovingly long to build; a relationship that will stand the test of time and eternity, and a secure family and home for your children.
Don't you just love it when a woman says, "Oh my husband and I have never had a fight." And when I hear that I want to say, "Well lady, one of you isn't necessary, because I can't think of anyone that I agree with all the time."
When I think of our early years, the words "mad" (not angry, mad), "get you back", "you always", "you never", quickly come to mind. And then there were those times when the silent treatment worked a whole lot better than words, and the silent treatment could manipulate just about any situation. In fact, for two people with a daily word quota to fill in a fight, the silent treatment said it loud and clear.
Statistics tell us that divorce among Christian couples is the same as divorce among unbelievers; why? Not unfaithfulness or abuse, not alcohol or drug abuse, but in a recent survey of Christian couples who divorced it all came down to one thing; communication. And communication is simply the words we speak to each other and about each other. So that tells me we need to do a better job of expressing our needs and our feelings, because what we don't say will build up and build up and after a period of time, what isn't said will implode inside us and oh what a mess!!
I recently heard of yet another couple who divorced after 45 years of marriage. They had been our friends, our neighbors several years ago. They seemed like the perfect family; 2 handsome sons, 5 grandchildren, and everything that made them seem picture perfect; from the outside. They moved away when their boys were still children, but we stayed in touch occasionally, and even though I was totally caught off guard by the news, looking back, I can see there seemed to be something missing. Could it have been communication?
Maybe so. Our marriage is important and it comes 2nd only to our relationship with our Savior. And just as the right words can repair the most damaged of relationships, the wrong words can destroy the best of relationships.
The Bible has a lot to say about the words we speak. Just look up the word "word or words" in your concordance and you'll be amazed at how many times the Lord used the word, "word". This is what Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 5:2;
"Don't be RASH with your mouth, and let not your heart be hasty to say anything before God; for God is in Heaven, and you are upon earth, so let your words be few."
So how do I separate the words I speak, from the thoughts I am thinking? How do I keep from speaking them, and hurting those I love? Well the truth is, on our own, we cannot. Only the Holy Spirit can produce the fruit of self control, gentleness, humility, kindness, patience, love, goodness, joy and faith and it takes a whole lot of all 9 of those fruit to develop good communication in marriage. And only as He produces those fruit in us can we conquer our negative thoughts toward our husband and prevent those thoughts from becoming "rash" words.
Think about the conversations you've recently had with your husband; did you do all the talking? Did he?
Communication means the conversation goes both ways. Did you interrupt when he was telling you how he felt about a certain issue? Something I've noticed about myself is this; I interrupt to "defend" myself or my opinions. The next time you and your husband are arguing about (discussing) something, allow him to completely state his thoughts and opinions, and ask him to allow you to do the same. I have found this to be true with David and me; I understand him better, and he understands me better when I say less and listen more, and he says less and listens more. And many times when he has finished stating his feelings, it has diffused the situation and as my Mama used to say, "took all the wind out of my sails." All I have to do is let him finish!! Men have a tendency to get "loud" in a "discussion" and women have a tendency to get "meaner" with their words. And the reason we can get meaner is because we say what we're thinking. Not very attractive. When I stay calm, don't interrupt, and let him express himself, there's no reason for him to get loud because you see, if I'm not talking, he doesn't have to talk over me!!
Take time today to read Galatians 5: 22 and 23, and ask the Holy Spirit to produce His fruit in your life and in your marriage. It is amazing what He will do in the marriage of a man and woman who are committed to honoring Christ and honoring each other.
And may I add just one more thing? It isn't just what we say to our husband that breaks down communication in our marriage; it is also what we say about him. Other people form their opinions about our husband from what they see and hear from us. If we speak about him to our Mom, our sisters, our friends and even strangers in a negative way, it won't be long until not only "they" will have a distorted view of him, but we'll begin thinking those things ourselves, and before we know it, communication breaks down. What you say about your husband in public can influence his opportunities in his job and his service in the church and for the Lord. Keep intimate things private and keep private......private.
As you work together to build good communication skills in your marriage, rash words will be less spoken and you may actually see some "calm" going on around you. Pray for your husband and your marriage every single day, it is so worth it!!
Thank you so much to everyone who reads this blog. It is now being read in 35 countries and I appreciate every email, comment, and word of encouragement you have given me. Without you there would be no blog. Again, thank you so much. And would you please pray that the blog would be a blessing and a help to all who read it?
Have a Happy Thanksgiving!!
Penny
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Don't Loose Heart! Pray, Praise, and Wait on God
As a Bible study teacher and speaker, the one thing I hear most from young women is this: "I am praying for my husband to become a Christian, but I feel like I'm fighting a loosing battle." Or, "I am praying that my husband will step up and be the spiritual leader in our home, but I'm still the one praying before our meal, praying with our children, or reading them a Bible story. Maybe I need to just forget it and do the best I can." And when they ask me, "What else can I do?" I can only reply, "Don't give up, God has a plan for you and your family, and in His timing, He will pull it all together for you."
One thing I learned many, many years ago is this: the only person I can change is myself. And when I learned this one, very important fact, it changed everything for me. Because you see, when I finally figured that out, I began focusing more on what God wanted to do in my life, and less on what I thought David should be doing in his life. And as I began to allow God to do His work in my life, I began to notice that He was also working in David's life and in our family.
Maybe you have something that you have been pryaing for and you are just about ready to call it quits;
PLEASE DON'T!! When you reach that piviotal place in your praying it can only mean one thing; breakthrough is so close, the answer is within reach, but.....what do I do while I wait on God?
In Luke 18, Jesus told a parable about prayer that is just as relevant to our prayer lives today as when He first told it to His disciples. So get your Bible, turn to Luke 18, because this is so good, I don't want you to just take my word for it.
In v1, Jesus said, "Believers should always pray and not loose heart." When you and I loose heart, we are discouraged. I don't know about you, but I can sure get discouraged easily. Jesus said that when we feel discouraged that means it is time to dig in our heels and pray harder and praise Him more for Who He is.
In the parable Jesus told about a widow who was being harassed by an "adversary." She asked to see the judge in her district, but he refused to meet with her. But look at v4; she kept on and on and on and finally he got so weary of her asking that he gave in because she "wore him down".
Anybody been pickin' on you lately? Making life harder for you, criticizing your best efforts, pointing out your failures? Then you have an adversary. And look at v7 at what God will do about your adversary; He will avenge us and v8 says He will be quick about it!
Now I don't believe for one minute that we have to "wear God down" in order to get our prayers answered, but the meaning of the parable is this; by refusing to give up, we reveal our faith.
So..this is what you do while you wait for God to answer your prayers for your husband, your children, your health, your finances, or to "avenge you because of your adversary":
1. Keep praying. Refuse to be moved, keep praying until God answers with a big yes, or you know that He has definitely said no. Either way, commit to keep praying.
2. Share your struggle. For me, just sharing with a close friend and sometimes even my class what I am praying about clarifies things and involves them in the process. And let me tell you, there is nothing off limits with God. I have the sweetest young Mom in my class who shared with us her potty training struggles with her toddler, then shared with us how God had answered and he was now doing "both" things in the potty!! God wants to be involved in every area of our lives and ladies that includes potty training those toddlers. Share your prayer stuggles and you just might be surprised by how sharing can speed up the process, or at least make the journey from unanswered to answered prayer just a little sweeter!
And the 3rd thing (I think the most important) is found in Acts 16. Please read this, it is sooo good.
Paul, Silas, and Luke had been preaching all over Europe and a woman by the name of Lydia was converted to Christianity. She invited them to stay in her town, they did, continuing to preach. One day during a prayer meeting, a young slave girl who was considered a medium, (you don't watch that show on TLC do you? Didn't think you did.) came to the meeting. Now she made a lot of money for her masters and when the meeting was over and Paul and Silas left, she followed them all over town, drawing attention to them by shouting, "These men are the servants of the Most High God who show us the way of salvation." She kept this up for several days and v18 says she just plain and simply got on Paul's last nerve. When he could stand it no longer he turned to her and commanded that the evil spirit leave her and it did. When her owners saw that she couldn't make them money, they had Paul and Silas arrested and brought before the judge. The judge ordered them beaten and thrown into prison. The jailer took them to the "inner" prison and placed their feeet in stocks and left them there. The prison system was made up of 3 separate spaces. The 1st was for the lesser of the offenders, the 2nd was for those who had committed worse crimes than those in the 1st cell, and the 3rd prison was horrible. No window, no ventilation, poor food and water, and little or no light.
Well just take a look at v25 of Acts 16; what in the world were Paul and Silas doing at midnight?
Who heard them?
What happened in v26?
When the jailer woke up and saw the prison doors open, he naturally thought everyone had escaped. Knowing that he would be executed because of his derilection of duty, he drew his own sword, intending to take his life when Paul yelled out, "Don't hurt yourself. We are all still here."
The jailer called for a light and when he saw that every prisoner was in his place, he came to Paul and Silas' cell, fell trembling at their feet, and asked, "What must I do to be saved?" He immediately accepted Christ as his Savior, took them to his home where they witnessed to the jailer's family and they were all saved. The jailer took water and cleaned their bloody wounds, then he and his family were baptized. I heard Beth Moore say that the family was likely baptized in the same bloody water that had been used to clean the wounds of Paul and Silas.
Isn't it amazing what God can do with a woman who loves so much and loves so deep that she refuses to stop praying, no matter how hopeless it looks?
Isn't it amazing what God can do with a woman who, in humilty, shares the prayers of her heart with someone who will step into that prayer journey with her and together they claim Matthew 18:19, 20 as their very own promise?
And isn't it amazing what God can do with a woman who sings praises at midnight even though her heart is so heavy with discouragement that the words just won't come and the only sound you hear is the melody?
Whether you can carry a tune or not, whether you feel silly or embarrassed or not, get a good praise cd, (I highly recommend "3 For Thee") plug it in, turn it on, and belt it out!! Singing and praying the Word changes a lot of things, but most importantly it changes me.
Everyday, in every situation we have 2 choices; we can complain and make things worse, or we can pray and faithfully wait for God to change our situation. If I get mad at God because of my circumstances, immdediately a wall goes up between us. Many times my situation hasn't changed until my atttitude changed.
While we always have the privilege of prayer, we do not have the right to tell God how and when to answer them; that's His job. Ours is to pray and praise and let Him do in our lives what He knows will be best for us and bring the most glory and honor to His Holy name. Devils will run and demons will get out of town quick when we pray and sing praises through our circumstances, because they cannot stay in the presence of the name of "The Most High God."
Share with us your favorite praise cd. We love to hear about it.
Have a great and blessed day.
Penny
One thing I learned many, many years ago is this: the only person I can change is myself. And when I learned this one, very important fact, it changed everything for me. Because you see, when I finally figured that out, I began focusing more on what God wanted to do in my life, and less on what I thought David should be doing in his life. And as I began to allow God to do His work in my life, I began to notice that He was also working in David's life and in our family.
Maybe you have something that you have been pryaing for and you are just about ready to call it quits;
PLEASE DON'T!! When you reach that piviotal place in your praying it can only mean one thing; breakthrough is so close, the answer is within reach, but.....what do I do while I wait on God?
In Luke 18, Jesus told a parable about prayer that is just as relevant to our prayer lives today as when He first told it to His disciples. So get your Bible, turn to Luke 18, because this is so good, I don't want you to just take my word for it.
In v1, Jesus said, "Believers should always pray and not loose heart." When you and I loose heart, we are discouraged. I don't know about you, but I can sure get discouraged easily. Jesus said that when we feel discouraged that means it is time to dig in our heels and pray harder and praise Him more for Who He is.
In the parable Jesus told about a widow who was being harassed by an "adversary." She asked to see the judge in her district, but he refused to meet with her. But look at v4; she kept on and on and on and finally he got so weary of her asking that he gave in because she "wore him down".
Anybody been pickin' on you lately? Making life harder for you, criticizing your best efforts, pointing out your failures? Then you have an adversary. And look at v7 at what God will do about your adversary; He will avenge us and v8 says He will be quick about it!
Now I don't believe for one minute that we have to "wear God down" in order to get our prayers answered, but the meaning of the parable is this; by refusing to give up, we reveal our faith.
So..this is what you do while you wait for God to answer your prayers for your husband, your children, your health, your finances, or to "avenge you because of your adversary":
1. Keep praying. Refuse to be moved, keep praying until God answers with a big yes, or you know that He has definitely said no. Either way, commit to keep praying.
2. Share your struggle. For me, just sharing with a close friend and sometimes even my class what I am praying about clarifies things and involves them in the process. And let me tell you, there is nothing off limits with God. I have the sweetest young Mom in my class who shared with us her potty training struggles with her toddler, then shared with us how God had answered and he was now doing "both" things in the potty!! God wants to be involved in every area of our lives and ladies that includes potty training those toddlers. Share your prayer stuggles and you just might be surprised by how sharing can speed up the process, or at least make the journey from unanswered to answered prayer just a little sweeter!
And the 3rd thing (I think the most important) is found in Acts 16. Please read this, it is sooo good.
Paul, Silas, and Luke had been preaching all over Europe and a woman by the name of Lydia was converted to Christianity. She invited them to stay in her town, they did, continuing to preach. One day during a prayer meeting, a young slave girl who was considered a medium, (you don't watch that show on TLC do you? Didn't think you did.) came to the meeting. Now she made a lot of money for her masters and when the meeting was over and Paul and Silas left, she followed them all over town, drawing attention to them by shouting, "These men are the servants of the Most High God who show us the way of salvation." She kept this up for several days and v18 says she just plain and simply got on Paul's last nerve. When he could stand it no longer he turned to her and commanded that the evil spirit leave her and it did. When her owners saw that she couldn't make them money, they had Paul and Silas arrested and brought before the judge. The judge ordered them beaten and thrown into prison. The jailer took them to the "inner" prison and placed their feeet in stocks and left them there. The prison system was made up of 3 separate spaces. The 1st was for the lesser of the offenders, the 2nd was for those who had committed worse crimes than those in the 1st cell, and the 3rd prison was horrible. No window, no ventilation, poor food and water, and little or no light.
Well just take a look at v25 of Acts 16; what in the world were Paul and Silas doing at midnight?
Who heard them?
What happened in v26?
When the jailer woke up and saw the prison doors open, he naturally thought everyone had escaped. Knowing that he would be executed because of his derilection of duty, he drew his own sword, intending to take his life when Paul yelled out, "Don't hurt yourself. We are all still here."
The jailer called for a light and when he saw that every prisoner was in his place, he came to Paul and Silas' cell, fell trembling at their feet, and asked, "What must I do to be saved?" He immediately accepted Christ as his Savior, took them to his home where they witnessed to the jailer's family and they were all saved. The jailer took water and cleaned their bloody wounds, then he and his family were baptized. I heard Beth Moore say that the family was likely baptized in the same bloody water that had been used to clean the wounds of Paul and Silas.
Isn't it amazing what God can do with a woman who loves so much and loves so deep that she refuses to stop praying, no matter how hopeless it looks?
Isn't it amazing what God can do with a woman who, in humilty, shares the prayers of her heart with someone who will step into that prayer journey with her and together they claim Matthew 18:19, 20 as their very own promise?
And isn't it amazing what God can do with a woman who sings praises at midnight even though her heart is so heavy with discouragement that the words just won't come and the only sound you hear is the melody?
Whether you can carry a tune or not, whether you feel silly or embarrassed or not, get a good praise cd, (I highly recommend "3 For Thee") plug it in, turn it on, and belt it out!! Singing and praying the Word changes a lot of things, but most importantly it changes me.
Everyday, in every situation we have 2 choices; we can complain and make things worse, or we can pray and faithfully wait for God to change our situation. If I get mad at God because of my circumstances, immdediately a wall goes up between us. Many times my situation hasn't changed until my atttitude changed.
While we always have the privilege of prayer, we do not have the right to tell God how and when to answer them; that's His job. Ours is to pray and praise and let Him do in our lives what He knows will be best for us and bring the most glory and honor to His Holy name. Devils will run and demons will get out of town quick when we pray and sing praises through our circumstances, because they cannot stay in the presence of the name of "The Most High God."
Share with us your favorite praise cd. We love to hear about it.
Have a great and blessed day.
Penny
Monday, September 23, 2013
"When God Created the World"
It's finally here!!
I am so excited about my first children's book! It is the story of creation, written in rhyme for children ages 4-8. But guess what Mom and Dad and Grandma's and Grandpa's...it's for you, too.
From a very little girl I have always believed and known that our Almighty, Awesome, Creative God created the world we live in, but...I couldn't keep it straight what was created on which day. Not until I researched for this book did I understand the creative process and the order with which God designed each minute detail of planet Earth. And oh my friend, God is in the details. (from absolutely nothing to the beauty we see all around us; that's detail!!) And if we don't get creation right, we won't get anything else right, because you see, every spiritual thought, belief, insight and doctrine is built upon this one foundational truth: "In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth. "Children, and adults need to not only "believe" that God created the world in 7 literal days, we need to be able to "defend" our beliefs with the truths in Genesis 1 and 2.
I just received my first copy last Friday, and it is already on Amazon.com. Later, it will be on other websites and may be ordered through LifeWay. I want to thank my good friend, Karen Casey for being the first (as far as I know) to buy a copy. In fact, she bought 2 copies. Thank you Karen!!
It has been a long process, and many times I wanted to give up because it seemed so impossible, but I am so glad I didn't. I am so thankful God proved to me again that He is faithful. No matter what your dream is today, or what you may be going through, know this; "The Lord is faithful." (2 Thess.3:3)
And I sure couldn't have gotten this far without my biggest supporter: David encouraged me every step of the way to just keep at it, just keep trying, just keep sending it out. I did, and he was right.
There is also an app available and it does all sorts of great things that your kids will love. You can even record your own voice reading the story to your kids or grandkids. I hope you'll get a copy for those precious children in your life who need to know the truth now, while they are still young, and now, while their minds and hearts are so tender to the things of Christ.
Page 1
Before there was a world, people time or light
Before there was a day, before there was a night
God knew all about you, and God had a plan
In the beginning, this is how it all began.
Page 2
Day 1 there was nothing, but dark and empty space
Then God said, "Let there be!" and light filled up the place.
He called the light day, He called the darkness night
As He looked around He said, "I think this looks just right!"
Got to buy the book to get the rest........
Thanks to all my readers and those who email me and comment.
Penny
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From a very little girl I have always believed and known that our Almighty, Awesome, Creative God created the world we live in, but...I couldn't keep it straight what was created on which day. Not until I researched for this book did I understand the creative process and the order with which God designed each minute detail of planet Earth. And oh my friend, God is in the details. (from absolutely nothing to the beauty we see all around us; that's detail!!) And if we don't get creation right, we won't get anything else right, because you see, every spiritual thought, belief, insight and doctrine is built upon this one foundational truth: "In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth. "Children, and adults need to not only "believe" that God created the world in 7 literal days, we need to be able to "defend" our beliefs with the truths in Genesis 1 and 2.
I just received my first copy last Friday, and it is already on Amazon.com. Later, it will be on other websites and may be ordered through LifeWay. I want to thank my good friend, Karen Casey for being the first (as far as I know) to buy a copy. In fact, she bought 2 copies. Thank you Karen!!
It has been a long process, and many times I wanted to give up because it seemed so impossible, but I am so glad I didn't. I am so thankful God proved to me again that He is faithful. No matter what your dream is today, or what you may be going through, know this; "The Lord is faithful." (2 Thess.3:3)
Thank you to my sons and their wives, my grandchildren, who I dedicated this book to, my precious sisters who gave me good advice and support, my dear friends Susan and Brenda who faithfully prayed with me and for me, and my church family for your encouragement, and prayers. And thank you Hilldale MOPS for being the first group to hear the first 2 pages and for being so supportive of me these past few years. I love this group of Moms!!
There is also an app available and it does all sorts of great things that your kids will love. You can even record your own voice reading the story to your kids or grandkids. I hope you'll get a copy for those precious children in your life who need to know the truth now, while they are still young, and now, while their minds and hearts are so tender to the things of Christ.
Page 1
Before there was a world, people time or light
Before there was a day, before there was a night
God knew all about you, and God had a plan
In the beginning, this is how it all began.
Page 2
Day 1 there was nothing, but dark and empty space
Then God said, "Let there be!" and light filled up the place.
He called the light day, He called the darkness night
As He looked around He said, "I think this looks just right!"
Got to buy the book to get the rest........
Thanks to all my readers and those who email me and comment.
Penny
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
What's Wrong With Leave it to Beaver?
I recently saw an advertisement for a new reality show about stay at home Dads that said, "This ain't leave it to Beaver!" And as an avid "Ward, June, Wally, and Beaver" fan, tell me, what is wrong with "Leave it to Beaver?"
As a child of the 50's and 60's I dearly loved the show. When it was in reruns, I remember racing home from the bus stop so I could catch the last 15 minutes of the show every afternoon. Every now and then it will be on TVLand for a few months and I still enjoy watching every episode. I know what all the critics are saying, and no, my Mom didn't mop the floor in heels. She didn't cook dinner in pearls, or entertaintain her bridge club with cucmber and watercress sandwiches. (she didn't know or care what a bridge club was, and I am so thankful she didn't!!) But come on............. what's wrong with:
a Dad who is an authority figure in the Home?
a Dad who teaches his children moral and spiritual values?
a Dad who takes responsibility for his family and loves and supports them? (and protects them)
a Dad who is strong, yet gentle and kind and compassionate?
a Dad who teaches right is right and wrong is wrong and there are consequences for both?
a Mom who actually enjoys being a wife and Mom?
a Mom who actually enjoys creating a pleasant home for those she loves?
a Mom who is secure in who she is and doesn't have to apologize for the fact that she is, well, happy?
a Mom who knows her children well and is sensitive to their fears, their needs, their dreams?
a Mom who takes care of herself and cares about her appearance?
a husband and wife who work together to make their marriage a good one?
And will someone please tell me what is wrong with children:
honoring and obeying their parents? (Eph.6:1)
saying "Yes Sir" and Yes Ma'am"?
doing their homework.....themselves?
telling the truth?
having chores and structure?
playing in the dirt, for heaven's sake?
I can surely attest to the fact that we live in a very different world than Ward and June. After all, they weren't really a family at all, but as an 8 or 9 year old child, I sure thought they were. And yes, I love my iPhone, computer and all that stuff, and no, I don't want to wear heels and pearls around the house. But I would like to see more of those Ward and June family values displayed in the shows that our kids are watching. And I do think we've lost something that will be hard to get back.
Seasons change, (I love fall!!) people change, our world changes every day, but praise God, He will never change! (Mal. 3:6; For I Am the Lord, I change not!") He created the family before He created the church, or the government, and His plan for the family hasn't changed because "He changes not". Family is so important to Him that He came to earth as a baby, born into a....family.
Mom, you are the key, you are the heart of your home. June may be old fashioned to some, but she was my kind of wife, Mom and woman! And will someone please tell me, what's wrong with leave it to be Beaver?
I am climbing down from my soapbox now, and please let me know how you feel, what you think about this post. I'd love to hear from you, so leave a comment or send me an email.
Thanks for listening. Have a great day and find an episode of Beaver on tv or online and enjoy.........
Penny
As a child of the 50's and 60's I dearly loved the show. When it was in reruns, I remember racing home from the bus stop so I could catch the last 15 minutes of the show every afternoon. Every now and then it will be on TVLand for a few months and I still enjoy watching every episode. I know what all the critics are saying, and no, my Mom didn't mop the floor in heels. She didn't cook dinner in pearls, or entertaintain her bridge club with cucmber and watercress sandwiches. (she didn't know or care what a bridge club was, and I am so thankful she didn't!!) But come on............. what's wrong with:
a Dad who is an authority figure in the Home?
a Dad who teaches his children moral and spiritual values?
a Dad who takes responsibility for his family and loves and supports them? (and protects them)
a Dad who is strong, yet gentle and kind and compassionate?
a Dad who teaches right is right and wrong is wrong and there are consequences for both?
a Mom who actually enjoys being a wife and Mom?
a Mom who actually enjoys creating a pleasant home for those she loves?
a Mom who is secure in who she is and doesn't have to apologize for the fact that she is, well, happy?
a Mom who knows her children well and is sensitive to their fears, their needs, their dreams?
a Mom who takes care of herself and cares about her appearance?
a husband and wife who work together to make their marriage a good one?
And will someone please tell me what is wrong with children:
honoring and obeying their parents? (Eph.6:1)
saying "Yes Sir" and Yes Ma'am"?
doing their homework.....themselves?
telling the truth?
having chores and structure?
playing in the dirt, for heaven's sake?
I can surely attest to the fact that we live in a very different world than Ward and June. After all, they weren't really a family at all, but as an 8 or 9 year old child, I sure thought they were. And yes, I love my iPhone, computer and all that stuff, and no, I don't want to wear heels and pearls around the house. But I would like to see more of those Ward and June family values displayed in the shows that our kids are watching. And I do think we've lost something that will be hard to get back.
Seasons change, (I love fall!!) people change, our world changes every day, but praise God, He will never change! (Mal. 3:6; For I Am the Lord, I change not!") He created the family before He created the church, or the government, and His plan for the family hasn't changed because "He changes not". Family is so important to Him that He came to earth as a baby, born into a....family.
Mom, you are the key, you are the heart of your home. June may be old fashioned to some, but she was my kind of wife, Mom and woman! And will someone please tell me, what's wrong with leave it to be Beaver?
I am climbing down from my soapbox now, and please let me know how you feel, what you think about this post. I'd love to hear from you, so leave a comment or send me an email.
Thanks for listening. Have a great day and find an episode of Beaver on tv or online and enjoy.........
Penny
Friday, August 16, 2013
The Stronghold of Unforgiveness
When our boys were little, and maybe not so little, they loved to watch wrestling on tv. They knew all the wrestlers by name, and they believed it was the real thing when they threw each other out of the ring and made those threats!! (back then it was a much cleaner sport than today and not as inappropriate for children. My how things have changed!) But as much as they loved to watch wrestling, they loved to do it even more.
As they got older, they made up wrestling names for each other, their cousins and their friends. Their favorite place to wrestle was on the trampoline, and as a boy Mom, I lived in panic that they were going to get hurt or hurt another "wrestler."
I must say, they did not learn those wrestling moves from the tv; when they were small, their favorite wrestling opponent was their Daddy. If you are familiar with wrestling, then you know that the whole objective of the sport is for one wrestler to "pin" his opponent and make him "give". When it looked like the one on the bottom couldn't get out of the hold he was caught in, the other wrestler would say, "Do you give?"
One day David and Jeff (he was 3 or 4) were wrestling and David had him "pinned" (yes I know, David took it seriously, too) and he said, "Do you give?" Jeff said with much conviction in his voice, "No way, there ain't no forgivin'!" That soon became our little family joke and when one of us would say, "I'm sorry", the other would say, (jokingly of course) "Ain't no forgivin".
I know people and you do, too, who approach everything in life with the attitude, "I don't forget and I don't forgive. I don't get mad, I get even." And if you listen to kids, and sadly, some adults, I think you'll find that too many of us wear a grudge like a badge of honor.
I recently watched a documentary about the gangs that were formend in the slums of NYC in the late 1800s and the first gangs were formed as a way to retaliate against anyone who crossed them. Human nature says, "You hurt me, you hurt mine, ain't no forgivin', I'll get you back!"
But, if you are a Christian, if you are a believer, God has a different agenda for you and me.
So...how do we respond when someone hurts us deeply? What if the person who hurt us refuses to acknowledge the hurt or take responsibility for it? If I forgive them, does that mean they get away with it? And what happens when you get your feelings hurt at church; do you quit going to church, look for another church, start your own? And for heaven's sake, how many times do I have to keep forgiving the same person for the same thing over, and over, and over?
Unforgiveness, left unchecked, has the potential to become a stronghold and literally take over my life. It will consume me, because unforgiveness is probably the most exhausting spiritual struggle we face. And the reason it is so exhausting is because like all spiritual battles, it takes place in our minds and our emotions long before we act upon it.
Stronghold is a term used in the Old Testament to describe a place where God's people could escapte to when they were attacked by their enemies. These were often caves or a barricaded canyon that had been stocked with water, food and weapons. Guards were always on duty at every town and province in Israel, and had as a part of their armor the horns of a ram. At the first sign of an attack from an enemy, they would blow a certain signal from those horns, and the people would know to stop what they were doing and quickly gather their families and head to the stronghold. From that stronghold they could unite their army and defend themselves for days, weeks, even months. David had several strongholds scattered around Judah when he was running from Saul.
In the New Teatament strongholds take on a whole new meaning. The Apostle Paul wrote about strongholds from a spiritual perspective and in 2 Corinth. 10:5, Paul gives us the definition of a spiritual stronghold; a spiritual stronghold is "anything that sets itself up agaisnt the knowldege of God." God is truth, but the stronghold is a lie. The lie competes with the truth and can become a dominant factor for control. That is how it sets itself up against the knowldege of God.
Strongholds can be anything from compulsive eating, to paranoia, bitterness, jealousy, pride and unforgiveness. No matter the stronghold, they all have one thing in common; our enemy, Satan, wants to keep us so wrapped up in oursleves and tied to our strongholds, that we will not acknowledge it or identify it. He knows that once we identify it, we will fix it. He doesn't want us to fix it, because he knows that when it's fixed, we will start living up to our full potential in Christ. And that is my desire for you and for me; that we live up to our full potential in Christ.
There is only one way to pull down a spiritual stronghold; by using the mighty weapons of God . (2 Corinth. 10:4) Our imagination takes place where? In our minds. (v5) Carnal means worldly, and carnal weapons do not stand a chance agaisnt spiritual strongholds; only the mighty weapons of God will pull down a stronghold. And God's weapon of choice to demolish a stronghold is the Sword of Spirit, His Holy Word.
(Eph. 6: 17)
In 1 Corinth. 2:16, God wants you and me learn to think with the mind of Christ. And to think with the mind of Christ means we have to "pull down anything that sets itself up against the knowledge of God."
I heard it described this way; it may not be the greatest of examples, but bear with me and I think it will make sense, hopefully.
Think of your mind as the walls of a room and your thoughts are the wallpaper. You know your thoughts are wrong (your wallpaper is wrong), so you have to change your way of thinking (pull down that old, ugly wallpaper). You sure don't want to leave the wall looking like it does, you have to re-wallpaper. But this time, with the old way of thinking (the old wallpaper) torn down, you can now start putting up the truth and you start thinking with the mind of Christ.
John 8:32; "You will know the truth and the truth will set you free."
We handle our lives like we do because we think like we think. Change our way of thinking and we change our own lives, but it won't stop there; we'll change the lives of our children and the atmosphere of our home. When we "throw down" (v5) our own reasoning (imagination) and throw down everything that thinks it knows more than God, and "bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ", what stronghold can stand against the "knowledge of God"? I can't think of a single one; not even unforgiveness. Whatever stronghold has you consumed and bound up today, make it your prisoner, (take it captive) and bring it to Jesus. He will see to it that your stronghold obeys Him; what better fate for a stronghold! (Mark 1:24)
So...when my feelings are hurt and that person refuses to acknowledge she has hurt me, I forgive her so that I am free from the burden of thinking about it all the time, and so that I am not hurt all over again each time I see her; not so she will get away with it. She only gets away with hurting me when I refuse to forgive.
When my feelings get hurt at church, I obey Matt. 18:15.
When I get tired of forgiving the same person over, and over, and over, I remember Jesus' words to Simon Peter in Matt. 18:21, 22. (something like 70X7...)
And yes there is still a lot of wrestling going on in the Noffsinger household, only this time it is David and the grandkids. He's still doing the "pinning" and there still "ain't no forgivin" going on.
I'd love to hear from you. Send me an email or comment on the blog. Thanks for all your encouragement and comments.
Penny
As they got older, they made up wrestling names for each other, their cousins and their friends. Their favorite place to wrestle was on the trampoline, and as a boy Mom, I lived in panic that they were going to get hurt or hurt another "wrestler."
I must say, they did not learn those wrestling moves from the tv; when they were small, their favorite wrestling opponent was their Daddy. If you are familiar with wrestling, then you know that the whole objective of the sport is for one wrestler to "pin" his opponent and make him "give". When it looked like the one on the bottom couldn't get out of the hold he was caught in, the other wrestler would say, "Do you give?"
One day David and Jeff (he was 3 or 4) were wrestling and David had him "pinned" (yes I know, David took it seriously, too) and he said, "Do you give?" Jeff said with much conviction in his voice, "No way, there ain't no forgivin'!" That soon became our little family joke and when one of us would say, "I'm sorry", the other would say, (jokingly of course) "Ain't no forgivin".
I know people and you do, too, who approach everything in life with the attitude, "I don't forget and I don't forgive. I don't get mad, I get even." And if you listen to kids, and sadly, some adults, I think you'll find that too many of us wear a grudge like a badge of honor.
I recently watched a documentary about the gangs that were formend in the slums of NYC in the late 1800s and the first gangs were formed as a way to retaliate against anyone who crossed them. Human nature says, "You hurt me, you hurt mine, ain't no forgivin', I'll get you back!"
But, if you are a Christian, if you are a believer, God has a different agenda for you and me.
So...how do we respond when someone hurts us deeply? What if the person who hurt us refuses to acknowledge the hurt or take responsibility for it? If I forgive them, does that mean they get away with it? And what happens when you get your feelings hurt at church; do you quit going to church, look for another church, start your own? And for heaven's sake, how many times do I have to keep forgiving the same person for the same thing over, and over, and over?
Unforgiveness, left unchecked, has the potential to become a stronghold and literally take over my life. It will consume me, because unforgiveness is probably the most exhausting spiritual struggle we face. And the reason it is so exhausting is because like all spiritual battles, it takes place in our minds and our emotions long before we act upon it.
Stronghold is a term used in the Old Testament to describe a place where God's people could escapte to when they were attacked by their enemies. These were often caves or a barricaded canyon that had been stocked with water, food and weapons. Guards were always on duty at every town and province in Israel, and had as a part of their armor the horns of a ram. At the first sign of an attack from an enemy, they would blow a certain signal from those horns, and the people would know to stop what they were doing and quickly gather their families and head to the stronghold. From that stronghold they could unite their army and defend themselves for days, weeks, even months. David had several strongholds scattered around Judah when he was running from Saul.
In the New Teatament strongholds take on a whole new meaning. The Apostle Paul wrote about strongholds from a spiritual perspective and in 2 Corinth. 10:5, Paul gives us the definition of a spiritual stronghold; a spiritual stronghold is "anything that sets itself up agaisnt the knowldege of God." God is truth, but the stronghold is a lie. The lie competes with the truth and can become a dominant factor for control. That is how it sets itself up against the knowldege of God.
Strongholds can be anything from compulsive eating, to paranoia, bitterness, jealousy, pride and unforgiveness. No matter the stronghold, they all have one thing in common; our enemy, Satan, wants to keep us so wrapped up in oursleves and tied to our strongholds, that we will not acknowledge it or identify it. He knows that once we identify it, we will fix it. He doesn't want us to fix it, because he knows that when it's fixed, we will start living up to our full potential in Christ. And that is my desire for you and for me; that we live up to our full potential in Christ.
There is only one way to pull down a spiritual stronghold; by using the mighty weapons of God . (2 Corinth. 10:4) Our imagination takes place where? In our minds. (v5) Carnal means worldly, and carnal weapons do not stand a chance agaisnt spiritual strongholds; only the mighty weapons of God will pull down a stronghold. And God's weapon of choice to demolish a stronghold is the Sword of Spirit, His Holy Word.
(Eph. 6: 17)
In 1 Corinth. 2:16, God wants you and me learn to think with the mind of Christ. And to think with the mind of Christ means we have to "pull down anything that sets itself up against the knowledge of God."
I heard it described this way; it may not be the greatest of examples, but bear with me and I think it will make sense, hopefully.
Think of your mind as the walls of a room and your thoughts are the wallpaper. You know your thoughts are wrong (your wallpaper is wrong), so you have to change your way of thinking (pull down that old, ugly wallpaper). You sure don't want to leave the wall looking like it does, you have to re-wallpaper. But this time, with the old way of thinking (the old wallpaper) torn down, you can now start putting up the truth and you start thinking with the mind of Christ.
John 8:32; "You will know the truth and the truth will set you free."
We handle our lives like we do because we think like we think. Change our way of thinking and we change our own lives, but it won't stop there; we'll change the lives of our children and the atmosphere of our home. When we "throw down" (v5) our own reasoning (imagination) and throw down everything that thinks it knows more than God, and "bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ", what stronghold can stand against the "knowledge of God"? I can't think of a single one; not even unforgiveness. Whatever stronghold has you consumed and bound up today, make it your prisoner, (take it captive) and bring it to Jesus. He will see to it that your stronghold obeys Him; what better fate for a stronghold! (Mark 1:24)
So...when my feelings are hurt and that person refuses to acknowledge she has hurt me, I forgive her so that I am free from the burden of thinking about it all the time, and so that I am not hurt all over again each time I see her; not so she will get away with it. She only gets away with hurting me when I refuse to forgive.
When my feelings get hurt at church, I obey Matt. 18:15.
When I get tired of forgiving the same person over, and over, and over, I remember Jesus' words to Simon Peter in Matt. 18:21, 22. (something like 70X7...)
And yes there is still a lot of wrestling going on in the Noffsinger household, only this time it is David and the grandkids. He's still doing the "pinning" and there still "ain't no forgivin" going on.
I'd love to hear from you. Send me an email or comment on the blog. Thanks for all your encouragement and comments.
Penny
Thursday, July 18, 2013
When All is Well
One of my favorite places to go in the fall of the year is Natural Bridge State Park in Powell County Ky. David and I have been there several times. I like to go because I enjoy climbing to the top of the mountain and walking out onto that very scary, very high natural bridge that connects one small mountain with the one next to it. And David likes to go because Kentucky Mustang is only a few miles down the road. He calls it a "man's mall." He told me once, "You know how you feel when you go to the mall and they're having a big sale, your heart races, and you can't wait to get inside? Well that's how I feel when I go to Kentucky Mustang." When we go to the mall, he sits outside the store on a bench waiting for me to "hurry up". When we go to Kentucky Mustang I sit outside the store on a bench, waiting for him to "hurry up"!
A few years ago we were staying at Natural Bridge Lodge, and instead of walking up the mountain, we decided to ride the tram up one side and walk down the other side. It was a little over 2 miles and we knew we could easily handle that, or so we thought. We figured going down would be much easier than going up, but were we ever wrong!
One of the first things I noticed as we were coming down the mountain were signs posted at strategic intervals cautioning climbers not to go near the edge because the previous year, 22 people had died from falling off the mountain. So, needless to say, I couldn't enjoy the beautiful fall colors and scenery all around me, (the things I love best about fall) because I was too busy looking down at my feet, making sure we didn't become a statistic for the next years postings.
That was my last attempt at mountain climbing, but I'm always looking for a spiritual application to whatever my situation may be. And one thing I have learned the hard way about the Christian life is this; we are either in a valley, (down where all the problems are), getting ready to climb a mountain, (things are starting to look up, but we still have a way to go) on top of the mountain, (everything that was unclear in the valley is "clear as a bell" in the wide open spaces of the mountaintop) or...we're walking down the other side of the mountain toward another valley. But on the top of that mountain things sure look good, all is well, we can rest awhile from the battles of the valley, enjoy the moment, enjoy the peace and quiet. But for many believers, me included, it is when we are in a place, spiritually, where things have plateaued for a little while, and we are enjoying the calm after the storm, that we are most vulnerable to a sneak attack from our enemy.
One of the biggest mistakes we as believers often make is when our lives are running smoothly, and we feel close to God, we loose that sense of urgency for God. We aren't as desperate for Him on the mountain where all feels good and safe like we did in the valley when our situation kept us awake at night, when we were afraid and alone. And on the mountain, we tend to be less aware of our obedience.
In the Old Testament, the Israelites would cry out to God from their valley, they would pray, seek Him, repent, make huge promises. God would answer them, deliver them from their enemies, heal their sick, give them a season of prosperity. Then the cycle would repeat itself, time after time, after time.
In 2 Samuel 11, we have the story of what happened in David's life when all was well. He was about 50 years old. He had experienced a closeness with God that few people have known. He had everything a man could possibly want; a kingdom of adoring servants, wives, children, riches, you name it, he had it.
One evening when his army was fighting his battles, David was at home, alone. He stepped out onto his "rooftop" (we would call it a terrace today) and walked around, surveying his kingdom. His palace was the tallest structure in Judah, and he could virtually look down onto all the rooftops of the surrounding homes. You know the rest of the story; adultery and murder. David wasn't defeated in his fight with Goliath. He came out the victor in his battle with Saul, and in those never-ending threats of treason, and countless other attacks by Satan. But when all was well, when there were no battles to fight in the valley, that is when temptation came at him with a vengeance.
The Bible warns us in 1 Corinth. 10:12; "Let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall." That's because our enemy Satan, never takes a day off, he never takes a break, he never leaves us alone for very long. In the New Testament, Christians are called soldiers. Our armor is found in Ephesians 6:12-17. We are to have it with us at all times to protect us from the fiery darts of our enemy. So how do we stay ready to fight the battle in the valley, and enjoy the peace of the mountaintop?
1. Like the soldiers in the New Testament, stay dressed for battle. My helmet is my salvation. It protects my mind, my thoughts, the things I hear, see, and say. My breastplate is the righteousness of my God. My belt is the Holy Spirit of Truth.(John 16:13) My shoes are my desire to be a peacemaker. My sword is my Bible. Every spiritual battle is fought with the Word of God. And my shield is my faith. When we go through difficult times, remember Who sustained us. And when we sense all is well, remember Who led us there.
2. On the mountaintop, we feel victorious and invincible. That is when we are most vulnerable. When I have a sense that all is well, that is when I need to take up the battle of another believer and wear my armor for her. I need to pray for her as I have prayed for myself, intercede for her, be an extra set of eyes, hands, feet so she doesn't slip as she is climbing up, out of the valley.
3. Determine to be obedient. Don't ignore the promptings of the Holy Spirit, be aware of His conviction of even the slightest area of disobedience. When all is well, I especially need to be more vigilant in reading my Bible, praying, being faithful to every church service, staying in close contact with other believers. This is my spirutal support and defense in the valley and on the mountaintop. This is my protection.
I hope all is well with you today. And if it is "Give Thanks". (1 Thess. 5:18) But remember, the top of the mountain is a beautiful place to be and it sure is a nice place to visit, but it's in the valley where all the living takes place. Mature, strong, successful Christians spend a lot more time in the valley than they do on the mountain. And the next time we go to Natural Bridge, we'll ride the tram up
AND down. Now if I could just figure out a way to keep David out of Kentucky Mustang...........
Monday, June 17, 2013
What It Takes To Leave a Marriage Legacy
Recently, David and I were invited to Federal Grove Bed and Breakfast in Auburn, Ky. to celebrate the 35th wedding anniversary of our dear friends, Susan and Wesley Walker. Federal Grove is a beautiful 18th century estate that got it's start from a Revolutionay War land grant of 10,000 acres to Jonathan Clark, the older brother of William Clark of the Lewis and Clark Expedition. And today, it is a piece of Kentucky history that must be experienced to be enjoyed.
On our 30th wedding anniversary, our sons and their wives surprised David and me with an overnight stay at Federal Grove, and it was so good to be back in that beautiful countryside. I know I am very prejudice, but let me tell you....there is no place like Kentucky in June.
After a delicious dinner, we were served an amazing, "made from scratch" carrot cake that Brittany, Susan and Wesley's daughter-in-law had made especially for the occassion. As we enjoyed our dessert, their children, Alan and Annie, each spoke of their love and gratitude to their parents for providing a loving, secure, Christian home for them while they were growing up. After dinner, we sat outside on the patio and enjoyed the "company and conversation". As we were making our way to our cars I said to Annie, "Not everybody has this." And ladies, "not everybody has this" because we are too quick to give up on our husband, give up on our marriage, and just give up in general. When we focus on his faults, (and there will be many, but we have them, too) and we allow ourselves to become distracted from the committment we made on our wedding day, we can easily begin to think that things would be better with someone else. But statistics say that usually isn't the case.
Girls...this is from someone who knows; (not bragging, just saying it like it is) you won't know the blessings of the 40 something years, unless you get thru all the years ahead of them. You won't know the blessings of an unbroken family circle around a dinner table full of adult children and (best of all) their children, unless you dig in your heels and make that lifelong committment to just seeing it thru.
Now before I go any further, let me make it clear; DO NOT stay in an unsafe environment of abuse, and please DO NOT keep your children there. Take whatever steps you need to take, but get help and get safe.
This post today is for those of you in your first 20 years of marriage. Sounds like we ought to have it all figured out by then, but we sure didn't, and statistics say that divorce in couples who have been married 20 or more years is up dramatically, even among Christians.
So what can you do now, in the early years of marriage to ensure that your marriage doesn't become another divorce statistic?
1. Let some stuff "slide". Not every issue is worth fighting about. Close your eyes, turn the volume button down on your ears, but don't let every issue become a face off of who's right and who's wrong. Most marriages aren't destroyed, they are "eroded". Erosion is a slow process, it doesn't happen overnight, and marriages don't break up overnight either. It is usually the accumulation of the daily trials of life that build and build, and if left unattended, just like a barren land that is left unattended, it will erode to the point of needing more than an "I'm sorry."
2. Remember what you promised. Marriage is a covenant agreement between you, God, and your husband.
When you signed your name on the "dotted line" of your marriage license you promised your life away; literally. When he "tunes you out" or "turns a deaf ear", remember the part that says, "for worse"? And when money is tight, the kids need shoes, and the cupboards are getting bare, remember the "poorer" line in that covenant? And I won't even go there on the "sickness and in health" part. My definition of sick is one thing and David's is, well, something not quite as serious as mine!! (sorry honey, I did let him read this, by the way.)
3. Develop the art of just "plain ole talking it out". It will take a while, but without good communication, even the deepest love cannot survive. Make time for just the two of you to get away for a night every now and then. It's amazing what a quiet dinner at your favorite restaurant, or an overnight away from the kids will do for your communication skills. Come on, can you really have a deep conversation with a whiny 2 yr old holding onto your leg or your 6 yr old literally starving to death right before your eyes? It may be something you have to save up for, but it will be worth it. There are many, many times when communication trumps love!
4. Respect. Even on those days when everything he does "irks" us to no end, showing him the respect God says he is due simply because he is your husband (Eph. 5:33) goes a long way in keeping the issues in perspective and can even help the "irks"!
I know this isn't a complete list, but these 4 things will take any marriage a "fur piece down the road". And when you add lots and lots of love and forgiveness to letting some petty stuff slide, remembering your promises, developing great communication, and giving him respect, even when you don't want to, but you do it as a simple act of obedience to God, one day you, too, can say, "Thank You, Lord that we stuck it out."
Forgive me if I sounded too "preachy", it's just that I feel so passionate about strong marriages and strong families. And in this day when more and more couples are opting to live together, or separate over petty issues that don't amount to a "hill of beans" as my Mama used to say, Christian couples and families have the divine opportunity to raise the standard, set a good example, and leave a lasting legacy to their children and grandchildren.
I'd love to hear from you; let me know if you'd like to add anything to the list. Here are 2 scriptures that will keep you working on your marriage for better or worse, richer or poorer, or in sickeness and health;
Colossians 3:17
Colossians 3:23, 24
Have a great day, tell your husband you love him today and then spend some quiet time praying for him and thinking about what a great guy he really is!!
Here we are after all that delicious food and dessert!!
After a delicious dinner, we were served an amazing, "made from scratch" carrot cake that Brittany, Susan and Wesley's daughter-in-law had made especially for the occassion. As we enjoyed our dessert, their children, Alan and Annie, each spoke of their love and gratitude to their parents for providing a loving, secure, Christian home for them while they were growing up. After dinner, we sat outside on the patio and enjoyed the "company and conversation". As we were making our way to our cars I said to Annie, "Not everybody has this." And ladies, "not everybody has this" because we are too quick to give up on our husband, give up on our marriage, and just give up in general. When we focus on his faults, (and there will be many, but we have them, too) and we allow ourselves to become distracted from the committment we made on our wedding day, we can easily begin to think that things would be better with someone else. But statistics say that usually isn't the case.
Girls...this is from someone who knows; (not bragging, just saying it like it is) you won't know the blessings of the 40 something years, unless you get thru all the years ahead of them. You won't know the blessings of an unbroken family circle around a dinner table full of adult children and (best of all) their children, unless you dig in your heels and make that lifelong committment to just seeing it thru.
Now before I go any further, let me make it clear; DO NOT stay in an unsafe environment of abuse, and please DO NOT keep your children there. Take whatever steps you need to take, but get help and get safe.
This post today is for those of you in your first 20 years of marriage. Sounds like we ought to have it all figured out by then, but we sure didn't, and statistics say that divorce in couples who have been married 20 or more years is up dramatically, even among Christians.
So what can you do now, in the early years of marriage to ensure that your marriage doesn't become another divorce statistic?
1. Let some stuff "slide". Not every issue is worth fighting about. Close your eyes, turn the volume button down on your ears, but don't let every issue become a face off of who's right and who's wrong. Most marriages aren't destroyed, they are "eroded". Erosion is a slow process, it doesn't happen overnight, and marriages don't break up overnight either. It is usually the accumulation of the daily trials of life that build and build, and if left unattended, just like a barren land that is left unattended, it will erode to the point of needing more than an "I'm sorry."
2. Remember what you promised. Marriage is a covenant agreement between you, God, and your husband.
When you signed your name on the "dotted line" of your marriage license you promised your life away; literally. When he "tunes you out" or "turns a deaf ear", remember the part that says, "for worse"? And when money is tight, the kids need shoes, and the cupboards are getting bare, remember the "poorer" line in that covenant? And I won't even go there on the "sickness and in health" part. My definition of sick is one thing and David's is, well, something not quite as serious as mine!! (sorry honey, I did let him read this, by the way.)
3. Develop the art of just "plain ole talking it out". It will take a while, but without good communication, even the deepest love cannot survive. Make time for just the two of you to get away for a night every now and then. It's amazing what a quiet dinner at your favorite restaurant, or an overnight away from the kids will do for your communication skills. Come on, can you really have a deep conversation with a whiny 2 yr old holding onto your leg or your 6 yr old literally starving to death right before your eyes? It may be something you have to save up for, but it will be worth it. There are many, many times when communication trumps love!
4. Respect. Even on those days when everything he does "irks" us to no end, showing him the respect God says he is due simply because he is your husband (Eph. 5:33) goes a long way in keeping the issues in perspective and can even help the "irks"!
I know this isn't a complete list, but these 4 things will take any marriage a "fur piece down the road". And when you add lots and lots of love and forgiveness to letting some petty stuff slide, remembering your promises, developing great communication, and giving him respect, even when you don't want to, but you do it as a simple act of obedience to God, one day you, too, can say, "Thank You, Lord that we stuck it out."
Forgive me if I sounded too "preachy", it's just that I feel so passionate about strong marriages and strong families. And in this day when more and more couples are opting to live together, or separate over petty issues that don't amount to a "hill of beans" as my Mama used to say, Christian couples and families have the divine opportunity to raise the standard, set a good example, and leave a lasting legacy to their children and grandchildren.
I'd love to hear from you; let me know if you'd like to add anything to the list. Here are 2 scriptures that will keep you working on your marriage for better or worse, richer or poorer, or in sickeness and health;
Colossians 3:17
Colossians 3:23, 24
Have a great day, tell your husband you love him today and then spend some quiet time praying for him and thinking about what a great guy he really is!!
Here we are after all that delicious food and dessert!!
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